I THOUGHT THAT NO ONE LOVED ME
There was a time that I didn't think anyone could love me, as a child I went through lots of pain as a result of other people's problems. I was sexually abused at the age of 5 by a neighbor, and then had to live with an alcoholic father until I was 14 and mother that worked a lot to stay away from all the mess that was at home. So at the age of 14 I moved out to begin life on my own. My life was filled with lots of hatred, I suffered lots of abuse and by the time that I was 21 I had 2 children and on my way having the third one. Life was trying at this time for me, It seemed like there was no one out there for me, I felt so all alone, Still at the age of 21 I found myself falling apart until I had a nervous breakdown. I was very suicidal. I kept my sanity through the love of my children. At that time my children saved my life. I still didn't love myself but I always knew that someone would love me, and that person was Jesus. He told me that he was the lover of my soul and that he cared for me.

TRYING THINGS ON MY OWN
I was never a follower, but I did try to fit into the in crowd, because things were so bad at home. I tried to smoke marijuana at the age of 14 well that backfired. I saw my life go right before my very eyes, I began to feel as though my blood was rushing from my head and draining down to my feet. I felt like death was at my front door, I remembered asking God, If you get me through this I will never do it again. That was one promise I was glad to keep. Then I began smoking cigarettes and drinking beer that didn't last but for so long either. Actually when God delivered me from beer I was quite upset. I almost had began to think that I found love in my beer drinking. There were not many days that went by that I didn't have a fight. I almost lost my life at the age of 16 when I got jumped, there where people holding me down while 2 girls put snow in my face, I was almost suffocated by snow. My last real fight was at the age of 16. But I did have one last fight at the age of 22, it was in self defense. That was my way of life at the time to survive. Later on I went on to have 2 relationships go bad in my life. I was in one relationship for 6 years and another for 9 years. I can honestly say that I learned a lot from the both of them. I was not ready for all that was thrown at me in those relationships, but now that I know the love of Jesus I know what I have to do and what I don't have to except in life anymore. Now and only now because God has healed my inner man, I can honestly say that I am no longer in bondage of my life's past. I can move forward in the love of Jesus Christ. I can honestly say that I have forgotten those things that are behind and now I am pressing toward the mark of the high calling which is in Christ Jesus. Never again will I try to go out and find love or anything for that matter on my own. My life belongs to Christ and in him I am made new and there is no more settling for less.

ANSWERING THE CALL
There was a woman by the name of Aunt Ethel that always would yell out to me sing my song Chell (sign me up) in the little baptist church that I used to attend at the age of 14. She must have seen something in me that no one else had seen at that time. I went through the rest of my life trying to sing and my one sister used to say oh God could you please be quiet. I always wanted to sing so at the age of 18 I joined a group and the group was quite bad, but I wanted to sing in anything that I could. Well they heard me sing and they kicked me out of the group in the first rehearsal. Wow I felt so horrible, but I didn't let that stop me from trying to sing wherever I went. My desire was strong, I always felt this urge in the inside to keep going, so I did. One night while in a church meeting the spirit of God was moving heavily, the spirit was thick, you could almost cut it with a knife. Music was playing and a guy by the name of Rodney was singing and all of a sudden a note came out of my mouth, It was so powerful that everyone around me got quiet and the note still kept coming. Everyone was surprised, no one knew that I could sing like that, I didn't know that I could sing like that. My own brother that was there that night was stunned. I told the Lord that if he blessed me with a voice that I would sing for him. The Lord sent me to the New Jerusalem church and with the love of my pastor, (Perzavor Armour) she prayed me through lots of hurt and pain. She really came through for me (thank you pastor). I am proud to say I have a pastor such as this, great women of God. She is an awesome women. Then my ministry of music began to flourish. I am now a youth choir director and a lead singer in our adult choir, which is lead by Evangelist Iris Lacey-Brown, by the way who is an inspiration to me. Then the Lord turned around and bless me with a great friend who also prayed me through, and that would be Elder Sandra Hopgood. God bless them all for being in the place where God has called them to be. So to all you people that have a desire to sing don't give up hope, because you never know what the lord has in store for you. I am a living witness. Seek the Lord with all your heart and delight yourself in him and he will give you the desires of your heart.

RESTORATION
I gave my life to Christ at the age of 16, my father quit drinking and my mother gave her life to the Lord. My family reunited and God did a new thing all in that one year. By the time I was 17 I was building a new relationship with my parents. It was wonderful, my father has not drank now in 20 years, I am all so proud of him. He is a real trooper in life, I am truly inspired by his strength and his courage. As for my mother we built a new walk together, we began going to church, together from that time until she died suddenly on July 11th 2002. She watched me become a minister in the gospel and she went with me to every rehearsal for all my plays. She really came through and became the mother and friend that I always wanted. I thank God for my time with her that we were able to amend all of our ways. I know that all of this could not have been done unless Jesus stepped in and gave us all a clean slate. Just know that God is a fixer of lives and your life can be changed. It's not to late.